An ice surprise

And, no, it isn't a gigantic scoop of hokey pokey icecream nor a 'nice' surprise. It is, or rather was but then again still is: the river Seine. My advice to you? Don't touch it. Don't even go near it because the steps are hazardously slippery. Just observe from a perfectly safe tourist-y distance and all will be well. Recall when Jack Dawson said: 'Anyway, I, uh, I fell through some thin ice; and I'm telling you, water that cold, like right down there... it hits you like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body. You can't breathe. You can't think. At least, not about anything but the pain.' Yeah. So don't go dipping your hands in the river; Because it's true. But other than the bitterly agonizing winter chill of the water itself, cruising on (and not in) the Seine was actually rather nice. There'd been nothing but grey skies for the last few days and that morning the first parts of blue shone through the clouds like a bald baby growing its first tufts of fluffy hair. Eugh. Hideous synonym, but a beautiful sight.

We zoomed (okay; so we didn't really zoom, more like cruised at the speed of a broken armed paddler) past Mr Eiffel Tower again, tall and upright as always. I wonder how he must feel having such good posture. His mother must be so proud. Or father. I suppose Le Tour Eiffel was built by a man after all. Then, thanks to my friend the espresso machine, the prospect of toilets was seeming friendlier and friendlier. So off we went.

...wait. Is that a... coin machine barrier?!?!?!

No. Way. Who has to pay to answer nature's call??? That's like making people pay for air.

These people have obviously never seen 'Bridge to Terabithia': FREE THE PEE! FREE THE PEE! FREE THE PEE!

So, like kindly teenagers setting a good example; we may have scooted up and over said barrier with great gymnastic skill without reaching into our wallets at all :)

Then once we were happily refreshed and rich, ignoring the filthy looks from the law abiding Parisian citizens, we headed off to the Eiffel Tower. Note how I tried to make that sound ultra casual and chilaxed. In actual fact it wasn't really like that. More; 'WE'RE GOING TO THE EIFFEL TOWWWWWWWWERRR EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK. Yes but it's just a hunk of metal....AHHhhhh but it's PARRREEEEEEEEEEE!!! Hey, look! A bird! Two birds! Wow! Five hundred birds!' I think in total we saw ten billion pigeons in the city. We cheated and took the elevator up, up, up the tower. zzzzEEEEEeeeeooom! It was really amazing. Like Willy Wonka's great glass elevator I looked out of the window and in ten seconds saw the people become specks and the buildings become clovers and the elephants become kangaroos and the whos becoming whats as we magically shot to the sky. After a most exhilirating experience, one is really left quite speechless; with only the ability to make drastic understatements. 'Oh. That was fun.'
As far up as we could go, the view was indescribably epic. Just the sheer immensity of it all. When you look up at a beautifully clear, starry night and drink in the wonder of a universe so vast, you feel dizzy and want to lie down, if not for the fact that you probably already are. When you look down upon the enormous and beautiful city of love and can see every movement below and the landscape stretching out forever and ever and ever, knowing if you drop a coin from that height you could probably kill someone on the ground... it's a heavy, most amazing feeling to say the least.

Eventually the freezing cold and harsh wind got the better of us. We decided to find thirty and walk down the tower - definitely easier than walking up! Gravity is on our side, amigos! Then we hit the metro! Woohoo. I really like trains, and underground ones are even cooler. Too bad we had to spend most of the journey standing up, packed like sardines. The doors only open for twenty or so seconds as well... so we were a little paranoid about being left behind. And one thing about Parisian trains: they sound exactly like the Nazgul. So then we got off and started casually strolling down one of the most famous streets in the world. The Champs Elyseès is a busy street... and EXPENSIVE. Yeesh. Who pays 10 000 euros for a handbag anyway?!?! After buying meself a copy of Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in French; I got approached by two crazy people who wanted me to buy a Louis Vuitton wallet for 'their family' (because stock rules wouldn't let them buy two) and gave me four hundred and fifty euros. FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY EUROS. Some people are completely deranged... bah, I went, scanned the store couldn't find it and was starting to feel highly suspicious so I just returned the cash and scooted off.

Later the street dancers came out and all the lights were justr WEEEEEE. Paris is so beautiful and alive at night. I like fairylights :D

LOOOOOOK!!! A CREPE! CRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPE!!!!!!